


Lost in this never ending nightmare called reality

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Arc Reactor, Arguing, I'm not kidding about that angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Steve Angst, Tony Angst, a shit load of angst, break ups, cause it comes so easy to me, it's scary, no iron man though, normal - Freeform, there all like, there's like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-06 16:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembered the day, like it was yesterday. The yelling, the things being said, the day his permanent sun-went out. He felt a shake on his shoulder and turned to the woman standing beside him. She looked worried. "Are you okay?" he looked down. This had been happening frequently, since it was nearing that day, those many years ago. He nodded shakily. "Y-yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You were goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This is... a little different. Okay, a lot different.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of their lives and the reminiscent of their past

He remembered the day, like it was yesterday. The yelling, the things being said, the day his permanent sun-went out. He felt a shake on his shoulder and turned to the woman standing beside him. She looked worried. "Are you okay?" he looked down. This had been happening frequently, since it was nearing that day, those many years ago. He nodded shakily. "Y-yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine." 

* * *

 

Steve ran a hand through his hair. It was happening again. The memories came flooding back, and he couldn't stop them. 

_You can't tell me a goddamn thing and next thing I know, you're dying from the shrapnel going into you're heart?! How the fuck do you think I felt that my own goddamn **boyfriend** can't tell me this?!_

_Steve, it wasn't that big of a deal._

_If you keep acting like this relationship has an expiration date, then it might as well end here!_

_  
_Jesus, the way he looked when Steve said that, like all emotion was suddenly void from his face.

_You think I don't think this can last? I don't act like anything, but since **you're so sure** , than maybe it should end here._

_  
_And he was gone. Just-

Just left. Because Steve he-

He pushed him away.

 

* * *

 

Tony rubbed his cheek clean of the rouge lipstick she had. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to keep the tears away. He never came back that day. Or-

Ever. He couldn't bear it. He'd made Steve end it, end everything-

Every part of his heart just ripped up and teared to shreds. Like-Like-

Like Paper. Like if nothing mattered to Steve. He remembered everything before that. He remembered the anniversary. He was his universe-his-

His only true love. And he would never get him back. He had a better life than what Tony could give him. He heard footsteps and turned around.

"What do you want to do now?" Pepper asked him, wrapping her hands around him, in a hug. 

"I have to get back to work soon, maybe a movie?" he asked, slightly moving away from her grasp. She held his face in her hands and kissed him. It was cold, smooth, nothing like-

Like him. She pulled away, and smiled.

"I love you." He turned his head.

"I love you too." he didn't mean it, he never would. She deserved better. Someone who would love her. Not-

Not him. He still loved-

"Let's go."

* * *

Steve took her out. Showed her what she deserved. It wasn't him. She didn't deserve someone that didn't love her. Someone that just mimicked the emotion she showed, like a-

Like a mirror. It had been-YEARS-

 Three years, and he still loved the man. Still missed the never wavering light, the smell of him when he got engrossed in his work. When they-

He and Sharon, made love, he would imagine it was him-

And he knew it was so fucking wrong that he did that-he was supposed to love her-not treat her like a stand in-like a-

Replacement. Because that was what he was using her for-

A replacement for something he lost those years ago. Tony-

He had a chance to be something, to have something in his life that could give him more than what Steve could give him. He couldn't-

Wouldn't ruin that chance.

 


	2. We seem to forget how fragile love is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll with angst, aren't I?

Tony sighed as they left the movies. It was-

It was familiar. It wasn't nice-

But it wasn't bad. He looked in the corner of his eye and watched as she would hold to his hand, just smiling, like there was no other place i the world she'd rather be-when-

He wanted to be with him. He sighed. He couldn't keep doing that to her. He needed to-to-

Make himself love her. Give her what she needs- What she deserves. She turned to him again and smiled-Jesus-

It was earnest, it was full of love and warmth and-and-

Nothing he felt for her. He faked a smile and kissed her.

"I love you, Tony."

"I love you too." she smiled even brighter-

Too bright-

Too easily convinced-

He seemed to forget how fragile love was.

* * *

Steve rolled back to face her sleeping form. He felt nothing. Not like-

Like when they just finished, he would pet his face and smile, whispering sweet nothings to each other. Because they loved each other, but he-

He didn't want to think about it. He was doing the right thing. He was saving him the best way he knew how, by-

By not trying to get him back. He missed him so much though. She woke up, smiling at him.

"Hey baby, what's wrong?" she asked. He smiled, a thin lipped smile, mimicking happiness.

"It's nothing sweetheart-" And suddenly, he could-

He could-

He could see him.

He looked worried. His eyebrow creased.

_"Are you sure babe?"_  

He would reach out and rub his thumb on his cheek, kissing him.

_"I'm perfect, sweetheart."_

_  
_"Steve- Steve are you okay? You've been spacing out an awful lot lately." She looked worried, but it was nothing like-

Nothing like-

Like him.He shook his head. He needed to be good, for her sake, even if it kills him inside.

* * *

Tony looked out of the patio. He remembered when they were here. It was one of Tony's stupid ideas that he cherished so deeply.

_"Trust me babe, you're gonna love it."_

_  
_He was skeptical, of course he was-

When wasn't he?

_"Tony I-"_

_  
_He stopped, the sun was rising, it was-

Perfect. It was quiet, and the colors were being scattered around the sky, and he turned to Tony, and took his hand.

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_  
_And that-

That was real. Not like-

Not like the illusion his giving this girl-

This girl that doesn't even deserve the shit he's giving her. But he couldn't-

If he left her, he would try to find Steve-

He would try to find him and he would ruin the life he has, and he-

He's too much of a fucking good person to have his life ruined by someone as pathetic as Tony.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, i don't know why I started this anymore T_T It's so fucking- It'll get longer, maybe.


	3. There's no going back for me

Steve stood in front of the coffee shop in silence. He had a date with her-

He promised he would be there... but he couldn't bring himself to go inside. She looked happy and confused as to why he wasn't here. He sighed. It was high time he ended the sherade he has the poor girl running through. He entered the coffee shop.

"Hi baby! I was getting worried." she said going in to kiss him. He evaded it. She looked some what hurt.

"What's wrong?" he sighed and sat down.

"Sharon, I have to tell you something." She looked slightly scared.

"O-okay."

* * *

Tony ended it in the privacy of the tower. She was still CEO, she was good for the ompany, but he was not good for her. She looked down, a ruefull smile on her face.

"I knew this day was coming for a long time. I just tried so hard to evade it." she gave him a kiss on the cheek and pat his shoulder.

"Good bye Tony." she bit her lip, tears threatening to escape, and left. He sighed and sat down on the couch. Without her holdinh him back, it was inevidable that he would go find him. But he needed to-

He just needed to know how he was doing. He just had to.

* * *

She slapped him. It didn't hurt, since she wasn't very strong, but he could see the fury in her eyes.

"You are  **not** leaving me Steven Grant Rogers. I am pregntant with  **your** child, and we are getting married." she smiled a malicious smile.

"And you are going to learn to love me."

* * *

He was drowning himself in the alcohol. He wasn;t sad about the break up, per say, he was just regretful. He promised himself that he would mess anything else up-

That he would try harder then what he did with St-

With him. He sighed. H e wasn't that drunk. He had a high tolenrance. He licked his lips. He might as well stop wallowing in his own pain and try to go find him. He was going to apologize, to-

Set things straight between them. He might as well try to be friends with him. Yeah, that was a good plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was shorter than the usual, but... yeah...


	4. You see right through my walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is as beautiful as it seems

Tony looked up at the apartment building. It was the same as he remembered it-

Like the rainy day he left-

He shook his head. He didn't want his mind to be clouded with dark thoughts. He rung the buzzer.

"What is it?" Oh, he remembered the receptionist well.

"Can you buzz me in for Steve Rogers?" Tony said. She grumbled something and the door clicked. He opened the latch and stepped into the building. The dusty smell hit him like a title wave-

_"It's filthy in here! Look- look! There's dust on the couch, on the walls on the-"_

_"Tony. Wouldn't you rather be somewhere else? Like perhaps, my bed?"_

_"Why would I- Oh- Okay, yeah let's do that."_

He bit his lip. He needed to stop thinking like that, if he wanted to do this right. He made it up to apartment 221 and knocked on the door.

"Coming!" That was a women's voice. He didn't know if he should just leave, but he heard the lock get taken out and braced himself. The door opened and the woman stood in front of him, smiling.

"Can I help you?" He swallowed.

"Hi- uh- I'm looking for Steve- Steve Rogers?" she dropped the smile.

  
"Steve! There's someone here for you!" she stepped aside and motioned him to come inside. Tony stepped into the apartment and sat on the couch.

"He should be coming soon." Tony nodded. He licked his lips. What would Steve think when he saw him here? Would he- Would he yell and kick him out? Because- Because he didn't want to see him again? He didn't want that to happen, but it was too late to turn back now. Steve stepped into the room, and instantly widened his eyes.

"Tony?"

* * *

Steve couldn't believe it. It was-

It was Tony. He was here.

"Tony." he whispered again. He came to sit next to the genius and grabbed his hand briefly before letting it go.

"How'd you find me?" Tony swallowed and looked down, trying not to blush.

"Well, I remembered your last address so I just walked here. I- I wanted to  make amends." Steve blinked and smiled.

"Can I talk to you, outside?" Tony nodded and followed him outside. Steve closed the door and turned around, capturing Tony's lips in a kiss. Tony widened his eyes, then sunk into the kiss.

 _'What are you doing? He's_   **taken** _'_

 _  
_With that thought, Tony tore himself away form the kiss.

"Steve! What are you doing?! You have a  **girlfriend**." Steve shook his head.

"I've never loved her, Tony, I love you. I always have." he said as he leaned in again. Tony moved his head out of the way.

"Steve. No. I will not jeopardize your relationship. I thought if I came here everything would be okay, but I was wrong. I love you too much to have you jeopardize your only chance at having a happy life." He turned away, not caring if-

If th tears fell and Steve saw.

"I'm leaving tomorrow to California. Goodbye, Steve."

**Author's Note:**

> Omg, I'm sorry.


End file.
